Welcome, fellow ARTISTS!
Please memorize these 12 union rules and recommendations.
1. Be the one you seek.
2. Take multiple breaks when working in studio at 15-30 minute intervals. Once you’ve done a song 3-4 times, you have already nailed it. The breaks are a way of tricking your brain and your producer into re-booting and nailing it again!
3. Sleep whenever and wherever you can. If you don’t visit the world of spirit, the world of spirit will not visit you. This is essential for recordings in psychologically toxic office-like environments.
4. If someone irritates you, tell ‘em to fuck off… in a nice way of course. You can either change the subject without fanfare and quickly exit the scene, or point up to the sky and say “Look! Do you see that meteorite?” Then, quickly exit the scene.
5. When performing “gigs” at concert halls, clubs, or arenas where your audience appears lackluster, dance and enter the union trance. Create a mantra that will enable you to achieve this blissful state of being. My personal favorite is: "Ich kann ohne dich nicht leben."
6. Use your iPhone or iPad to view weird, ridiculously funny You Tube videos and sporting events.
7. Say good morning whenever you greet someone for the first time no matter what the time of day. Remember, in keeping with the tradition of the vast majority of First World People, the shortest unit of time is 24 hours.
8. Never bring negative emotional baggage from yesterday into today. This is crucial. Save and store the beautiful moments, delete everything else. Holding on to the unsavory will compromise your body’s electrical system. Remember: each day is like a newborn babe so treat it accordingly.
9. Indulge yourself with your favorite things in moderation.
10. Engage in divinely inspired sexuality!
11. Practice random acts of kindness each day.
12. Play each gig as if it were your last.